Monday, April 30, 2012

By Steve Haston - Satire Writer

Anaheim, CA - In a time where division rivals are highly unlikely to do trade business with each other, the Texas Rangers made a strong push to take Vernon Wells off of the Angels hands. Equally as shocking is the fact that the Angels would have in no way be responsible for the balance of his contract. It has been widely thought that, should the Angels come to a deal for Wells, his contract would largely be paid by the Angels because of Wells’ declining production. Jerry Dipoto commented “When the call came in I was really surprised. Texas doesn’t need any help in the outfield and Wells is very expensive. Then came Nolan’s (Ryan) one condition.”

“I said look JD,” Ryan drawled over the phone this morning, “you can have the two Double-A bullpen arms AND we’ll cover Wells’ salary, but,” at this point he begins to chuckle, “but you have to extend Mickey Hatcher indefinitely.” Hatcher, the long time hitting coach of the Angels and the man that keeps Clairol Asphalt hair dye on the shelves in Orange County, is a favorite amongst baseball insiders. Known as one of the nicest guys in the game, his longevity in coaching has been partially attributable to his likeability and demeanor.

“At first I thought this was one of Scioscia’s jokes,” Said Dipoto, “I figured he had dirt on Nolan from back in the ‘80s or something. Last week Mike had me on a conference call with Fernando Valenzuela and Orel Hershiser setting up a time for them to throw bullpen sessions because they wanted back in the game. On April Fool’s day he had me convinced that he was going to move Ianetta to first and let Pujols catch 90 games this year because Pujols’ career CERA is 0.00”

There was no joke to this proposed trade, though, and Ryan demanded to see the extension language in writing prior to even considering moving forward.

“In this case, the best defense is keeping Hatcher in charge of our competitor’s offense,” Ryan succinctly summarized. “And let’s face it, you know Wells will hit .320 here with 45 home runs. It’s a lock. It’s a shame they wouldn’t pull the trigger.”

Dipoto refrained from citing which detail killed the deal, but did shed some light on the situation. “Look, I wasn’t opposed to the idea of extending hacker . . . I mean hatchet--damn it Hatcher. There it is Hatcher. I can’t believe I slipped up like that. As I was saying, I wasn’t opposed to the idea, it just didn’t make much business sense to go into a contract when the man is working on a voluntary basis right now.”

This story is a fictional piece of satire.  It is meant to represent the good natured sense of humor in the community.  Please accept it as nothing more or nothing less than that.
Love to hear what you think!

Listen to "A Fish Like This" Tribute song to Mike Trout's Greatness

AngelsWin Media

We Recommend

 photo 8fbce79f-4964-43ef-a13d-ff1832b5e9a4_zpsd3c2ece7.jpg
Click on the picture above to pick up a copy of Rob Goldman's latest on Angels' great, Nolan Ryan. A Must Read for every fan of the Angels! Website Store

 photo t_zps6af139fc.gif
Copyright © 2013 Los Angeles Angels Blog | is the unofficial website of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Our comments and views do not express the views of the major league club or anyone affiliate with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. blog content, articles and opinions are provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind.  We disclaim warranties, express or implied, including warranties for a particular purpose, accuracy, completeness, availability, security, compatibility and non-infringement.  Blog material, articles and other information furnished or supplied by you to become the ownership of for use at our discretion.  Your use of AngelsWin content is at your own discretion and risk. We do not warrant that any content here be error free that access thereto will be uninterrupted or errors will be corrected. We do not warrant or make any representations regarding  the use of any content made available through  You hereby waive any claim against us with respect thereto. may contain the opinions and views of other members and users. We cannot endorse, guarantee, or be responsible for the accuracy, efficacy or veracity of any content generated by our members and other users. The content of is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. Such content is not intended to, and does not, constitute legal, professional, medical or healthcare advice or diagnosis, and may not be used for such purposes. Reliance on any information appearing on is strictly at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. You should not act or refrain from acting on the basis of any content included in, or accessible through, the without seeking the appropriate legal or other professional advice on the particular facts and circumstances at issue from a lawyer or professional licensed in the recipient's state, country or other appropriate licensing jurisdiction.