Thursday, September 26, 2013

by Glen McKee, Columnist & Satirist  -

In a handful of days Angels baseball will be over for 2103.  It’s a semantic distinction; meaningful Angels baseball has been over for at least a month now, and posters on have been reduced to arguing about Cowgill versus Shuck in the starting lineup, why Calhoun wasn’t starting every day, and what the team can do to make 2014 not be like 2013 or 2012, or 2011.  Or even 2010.  The offseason is dead ahead, and I for one don’t know what I’m going to do when the last pitch of Angels baseball in 2013 is thrown this Sunday in Arlington Stadium (hopefully knocking the Rangers out of the playoffs).  I have a feeling I’m not alone.  What will I/we do with all the free time we’ll have when we’re not analyzing why Trout is stealing fewer bases and why we don’t have a foreign presence?  I’ve come up with a few suggestions.

Celebrate great historical moments in Angels baseball on their anniversaries.  

Here are a few of them to get you started:

December 2, 1988 – The Naked Gun was released in movie theaters.   Must…kill…the queen!
December 11, 2004 – the Angels signed Steve Finley
January 3, 2005 – the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim were (re)born
January 17, 1975 – Brad Fullmer was born
January 24, 2011 – the Angels traded for Vernon Wells

Create a slush fund for decisions in the Scioscia/Dipoto soap opera.  One thing just about every Angels fan can agree on – besides the need to not see Blanton in an Angels uniform next year – is that Dipoto and Scioscia don’t exactly see eye to eye.  In late August there was a rumor that one of them would definitely be gone in the offseason, but no confirmation about which one it was.  Then the Angels went and had a good six weeks or so, and the rumor changed to both of them possibly staying because of their good performance to end the year (And hey, do April and May really matter?  They were so long ago!).  So now we don’t know what the hell is going on.  To celebrate the confusion, on September 30 start a slush fund with a daily amount of your choosing - $1, $5, $10, whatever kind of baller you are – and contribute to it every day until we know for sure who our GM and manager are for 2014.  Use the money you accumulate to go to the fanfest next spring and heckle Godfrey (Geoff) Stoddard as he MC’s the feature event.  Money well spent is what I’d call that!

Post on We’ll still find stupid stuff to post about.  Why aren’t we trying harder to sign Masahiro Tanaka?  How bad is Dipoto/Bourjos/Hamilton/Pujols/Trumbo/Aramark?  Will there ever be a better picture than the monkey puking?  There will still be plenty to talk about and plenty of people to talk about it with. After all, is the internet home for Angels fans. 

Find another hobby.  Carve an Angels pumpkin for Halloween.  Do something with your family that has disowned you since the start of the regular season.  Watch basketball or soccer.  Ha ha, I’m kidding about those last two, you aren't that desperate yet .  Drink more alcohol, become an alcoholic, and then check into AA and accept Mike Trout as your higher power (just make sure you don’t put your faith in him close and late, as some posters would warn you).  Join the Toastmasters  and speak exclusively in Scioscia-esque cliches.  See, there’s plenty to do outside of Angels baseball! 

Enjoy the holidays.  One of many reasons that baseball is so damn great is that it ends at the perfect time of the year (and even earlier for us, the last few years).  The weather is cooling off and the holidays are as close as Barry Bonds stood to the plate.  Plan your Thanksgiving feast and Christmas family visits.  Get one of these ( ) so that if you’re facing New Year’s Eve solo, you have something to kiss. 

Do what the great Rogers Hornsby did.  "People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring."

It’s going to be a long four-point-five months until pitchers and catchers report.  I’ll struggle with it just like you will, but with a little planning and foresight none of us will be reduced to watching soccer. 
Love to hear what you think!

Listen to "A Fish Like This" Tribute song to Mike Trout's Greatness

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