Friday, May 30, 2014

 photo img027-sm_zpsac5a0cb1.jpg

By Adam Dodge, Senior Writer - 

In high school I had a classmate named Trevor. Orange High was, and I assume still is, a school populated mainly by the children of working-class families. We didn't have a bunch of rich kids. Most of us grew up in pretty modest homes with two working parents. We drove used cars when we turned sixteen, worked P/T jobs and went to community colleges after graduation - a very average school with a very average student body. Except for the Asians, of course.

Trevor didn't fit an Orange High student profile. He was very poor. He lived in a trailer park with his uncle. He couldn't afford even modest shoes and clothes. He was in the same jeans and a white t-shirt every day. His shoes were worn. He had no car. Physically, he was unattractive. Scrawny with acne, Trevor was far from being a BMOC (big man on campus). 

Despite his disadvantages, Trevor consistently pulled the finest sixteen and seventeen year-old tail in the city limits. We're not talking about the nerdy band chicks who were secretly hot under their glasses and stupid faux lettermen jackets. We're talking cheerleaders and bitchy student government broads with tans and racks. 

It was baffling.

He must have had a great personality and a ton of confidence, right?

Nope. He was a shy dipshit with no sense of humor. 

He must have been incredibly bright and articulate, right?

Not at all. He was in and out of the continuation school down the street all four years and never graduated. 

There can be only one explanation. While it has never been confirmed, deductive reasoning allows for only one conclusion. Trevor was hung like six horses. 

As the Angels head into the land of brawling pregnant whores to take on the Oakland Athletics, we're faced with yet another mystery. How can a team so disadvantaged - with no money or fans, an awful ballpark in one of the worst neighborhoods in North America, comprised of has beens, never will bes and never wases consistently dominate the standings?

There can be only one answer. The A's must not have a single dong measuring anything less than 8 inches. 

Good looks and riches cannot compete with an overgrown pork sword on a day to day basis. Think about it. The guy in the band with a third leg is sleeping right now. Soon, he'll wake up, eat a burrito, pop open a beer and watch cartoons. Meanwhile, the well paid accountant is on his third cup of lukewarm Folger's, knee deep in P & Ls.. 

What is the lawyer up to this weekend? He'll be up at 7am to tend to his garden before spending his day at the soccer field watching seven year-olds do nothing for hours on end. Our bassist with the python? He will be at the beach with a bunch of chicks on a 48 hour bender. 

Sucks, right? 

Well, not so fast. Who's going to be spending weeks in Hawaii in 15 years? Who will have a big house, nice car, successful children and a 10 handicap when it really matters? Who will the prom queen wake up next to every morning in the end? 

Not our buddy with the anaconda. He'll be sneaking off to the dive bar for some Buds on his lunch break from Guitar Center. He'll share a frozen pizza with his three roommates for dinner every night. His girlfriend will have five kids from six different dads, all named Spider. 

This A's team will party. It will likely party for the entirety of the regular season. But like every other overgrown bologna pony, it will lose out to a classier, cleaner more established penis come October. 
Love to hear what you think!

Listen to "A Fish Like This" Tribute song to Mike Trout's Greatness

AngelsWin Media

We Recommend

 photo 8fbce79f-4964-43ef-a13d-ff1832b5e9a4_zpsd3c2ece7.jpg
Click on the picture above to pick up a copy of Rob Goldman's latest on Angels' great, Nolan Ryan. A Must Read for every fan of the Angels! Website Store

 photo t_zps6af139fc.gif
Copyright © 2013 Los Angeles Angels Blog | is the unofficial website of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Our comments and views do not express the views of the major league club or anyone affiliate with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. blog content, articles and opinions are provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind.  We disclaim warranties, express or implied, including warranties for a particular purpose, accuracy, completeness, availability, security, compatibility and non-infringement.  Blog material, articles and other information furnished or supplied by you to become the ownership of for use at our discretion.  Your use of AngelsWin content is at your own discretion and risk. We do not warrant that any content here be error free that access thereto will be uninterrupted or errors will be corrected. We do not warrant or make any representations regarding  the use of any content made available through  You hereby waive any claim against us with respect thereto. may contain the opinions and views of other members and users. We cannot endorse, guarantee, or be responsible for the accuracy, efficacy or veracity of any content generated by our members and other users. The content of is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. Such content is not intended to, and does not, constitute legal, professional, medical or healthcare advice or diagnosis, and may not be used for such purposes. Reliance on any information appearing on is strictly at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. You should not act or refrain from acting on the basis of any content included in, or accessible through, the without seeking the appropriate legal or other professional advice on the particular facts and circumstances at issue from a lawyer or professional licensed in the recipient's state, country or other appropriate licensing jurisdiction.