By Glen McKee, AngelsWin.com Senior Muck-Raker -
The Josh Hamilton story is on fire right now and I want a piece of that action. Like fires do it will ebb and flow (wait, that’s water – never mind), but one time you can bet the house it will flare up again is when Hamilton inevitably returns to Angels Stadium as a born-again member of the Rangers.
One of the big questions will be what the Angels fans should do when Hamilton comes strutting up to the plate. I’m here to give you the answer well in advance, so you don’t have to spare any thought about it when the time comes. You’re welcome.
Option one – throw needles on the field, a la what fans did to Bonds. What are you, stupid? Needles are for steroids and nobody uses needles for cocaine or alcohol. Don’t be a “moran.”
Option two – throw bags of baking soda on the field. Because baking soda kinda looks like cocaine. What are you, stupid? Then you’ll get arrested and they’ll have to bring in the HAZMAT team to clean it up. But hey, if you have a felony to spare, feel free to go this route.
Option three – boo him lustily. This is a great option if you know the difference between cocaine and steroids, and you don’t want to get arrested. It’s also general-purpose and could be misunderstood. “I was saying “Boooo-milton!” You won’t be alone if you do this, but does the comfort of going with the crowd really provide succor?
Option four – turn your back on the field when he bats. If you wanna be a pretentious a-hole and draw attention to yourself, this is the perfect choice.
Option five – do nothing. This is really the best choice. Just let it go. Plenty of people will be doing option three, so you can rest assured that Hamilton will get the message that Angels fans do not think highly of him. Your voice won’t be missed in the chorus and all you’ll be doing is getting yourself riled up and increasing your blood pressure. That could lead to a heart attack or a stroke, which will send you to the hospital and possibly kill you, thereby causing great stress on your family and friends.
Meanwhile, Hamilton will continue to bat and occasionally relapse, and fall asleep on a pile of money, and won’t even know or care that you’re dead.
Just let it go.